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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838797">Holding Your Breath is Safer Than Breathing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilies_in_a_vase/pseuds/lilies_in_a_vase'>lilies_in_a_vase</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Looking For A Safe Place To Land [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Absent Parents, Abusive Neil Hargrove, Billy Hargrove Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Tries to Be a Better Person, Billy Hargrove has never seen real snow, Billy Hargrove is Cold, Billy Hargrove/Original Male Character - mentioned, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington Pre-Relationship, Billy swears a lot anyway, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Excessive use of the word “fuck” and other swear words?, Food Witheld As A Punishment, Gay Billy Hargrove, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, Hungry Billy Hargrove, I mean he lives almost all alone of course he’s learned how to cook, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Like there’s some attraction there, Lonely Steve Harrington, M/M, Maxine ”Max” Mayfield - mentioned, Neil Hargrove Being an Asshole, Neil Hargrove's A+ Parenting, Neither has Max, Snow, Star Wars - Freeform, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Steve Harrington Has Nightmares, Steve Harrington Is A Good Cook, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, They watch Star Wars, Tommy Hagan - mentioned, Winter, cooking together, he has a name now, hunger, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:08:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,402</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838797</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilies_in_a_vase/pseuds/lilies_in_a_vase</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy hasn’t eaten anything since school lunch two days ago, except for the cookie he stole from Tommy when he got dizzy during second period. And now he’s cold on top of being hungry, because Neil threw him out of the house. </p>
<p>It’s just his luck that Steven fucking Harrington drives by when he’s trying to figure out where to spend the night. </p>
<p>—</p>
<p>Featuring: </p>
<p>Neil Hargrove is an arse. As usual. <br/>Billy’s hungry and Steve is amazing. <br/>The boys cook and watch Star Wars.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Billy Hargrove &amp; Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Looking For A Safe Place To Land [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1637785</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>524</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Holding Your Breath is Safer Than Breathing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from Sara Bareilles and John Legend’s song “A Safe Place to Land”.</p>
<p>This is me trying to write a pre-relationship/start-of-friendship kind of thing. Please let me know how I did!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Billy had never seen snow in real life before they moved to Indiana. So when he’d woken up last weekend and looked out the window only to see the world covered in white, he couldn’t stop himself from staring. It looked beautiful and strangely soft. Like a cloud had landed in the backyard during the night. It reminded him of those Christmas movies they always started showing in December. Once, when he was little, he’d asked his mom why there was no snow outside during their Christmas, because on TV they all spoke about those “White Christmases”, and he wanted to go out and make snow-angels. His mother had laughed and explained to him that it was too hot in California for it to snow, but then she’d taken him in the car with her to the beach and told him he could make ‘sand-angels” instead. It was one of his best memories. </p>
<p>Max could hardly contain her excitement all through breakfast and he’d hoped he didn’t have that same wonder-filled expression on his face. But still, if it so happened that he hadn’t shouted at her when she’d scooped up some snow off the Camaro and figured out how to make it into a ball so she could throw it at him, because he was busy being fascinated with the feeling of it melting against his skin, then no-one needed to know.</p>
<p>Now though? Now all that fascination is gone, because <em>damn it</em>, now he’s cold on top of being hungry. </p>
<p>Billy had missed dinner because he’d been at Tommy’s place with Tommy and his friends and getting drunk and then the next day Neil had told Susan to put the food back before Billy could get himself something for breakfast. He’d told him that if he hadn’t felt like eating with his family the night before, then he didn’t deserve any breakfast either. And then he’d taken Billy’s wallet before telling him to get out and get to school. </p>
<p>It wasn’t the first time Neil hadn’t let him eat as a punishment, but fuck, it was usually just one meal. But now Billy hasn’t eaten anything since <em>school lunch two days ago</em>, other than the cookie he stole from Tommy yesterday when he got dizzy during second period. And then today Neil had gotten angry because Billy and Max were a few minutes late from the Arcade, but Billy could smell food on the stove from where Susan was cooking dinner in the kitchen and hadn’t really concentrated on what Neil was screaming at him and then suddenly his cheek was stinging from where Neil had backhanded him and Billy was being thrown out of the house. His father at least had the decency to throw his leather jacket after him, but not before taking out his car keys and telling him he didn’t want to see him until the next morning. </p>
<p>Fucking glorious. </p>
<p>So now Billy’s walking down the steadily darkening streets of Hawkins and trying to figure out where the hell he’s going to spend the night. </p>
<p>He thinks he could maybe go to Tommy’s place, but he lives up in Loch Nora with all the other rich kids, and it’s too far to walk, especially when he’s freezing his ass off. He could go to Melvalds, and hide out in their customer toilets or build himself a cave or something of toilet paper and spend the night there. Or he could call Tommy and try to convince him to come and get him. The thing is though, Billy isn’t sure Tommy would care enough or take him seriously. He might just laugh and hang up. </p>
<p>It’s not like it hurts to try though. </p>
<p>He hears the car coming, but doesn’t bother stopping because really, it’s not like it’s going to stop just because Billy does. </p>
<p>But then it slows down and starts going at a snail’s speed just to try to keep up with Billy, and okay, now Billy’s freaked out. He doesn’t know if he should turn to look at it and snap at the driver or if he ought to just start running at once. </p>
<p>Then suddenly there’s a particularly big pile of icy snow right in front of his foot which almost makes Billy stumble and fall face first to the ground, and he remembers that this is fucking Hawkins and not California. Nothing happens here. He’s not about to get kidnapped. </p>
<p>So Billy stops, hears the car do the same, and then he turns to look at the driver. </p>
<p>And immediately regrets it. </p>
<p>Because sitting there behind the wheel of his Beemer is none other than Steven fucking Harrington. </p>
<p>”What you doing out here, Hargove?” </p>
<p>And Billy, because he’s an asshole and he knows he’s an asshole, just looks at Harrington with a deadpan look and says: </p>
<p>“Taking a walk.” </p>
<p>Harrington purses his lips and looks like he’s barely restraining himself from rolling his eyes. “In a leather jacket?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, in a <em>leather jacket</em>, because we’re not all as rich as you, Harrington! But maybe you don’t have any money left, because I can’t see any other reason for why you wouldn’t be paying Tommy and Carol to hang out with you, so you wouldn’t have to keep hanging out with <em>middle-schoolers</em>. That’s fucking weird, you know? What are you doing with them?”</p>
<p>Billy regrets it the second it’s out of his mouth. Because he knows Harrington’s not doing anything weird with them, he’s too nice and not a fucking pervert for that, and now Harrington is actually looking a bit sad but also like he wants to hit Billy, and Billy is <em>so tired of fighting</em>.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Billy says because fuck, he’d promised Max to be nice to her friends and now that their relationship has been going better since she went with him to the hospital he doesn’t want to ruin that. “I’m just irritated because I’m hungry.” </p>
<p>Steve wrinkles his brow. “You’re hungry?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I haven’t eaten in a while.” </p>
<p>Steve looks even more confused now. “Why not?” </p>
<p>“Well, pretty boy, I lost my wallet.” Because the thing is, Billy knows he can’t say anything, because it’s never worked out in his favour before. Susan did jack shit when she found out and Max knows some of it but not all and she’s thirteen so what can she really do? </p>
<p>But now Steve’s looking at him like he wants to laugh, and that just makes him more irritated. </p>
<p><br/>”<em>You lost your wallet</em>?” </p>
<p>“You a fucking parrot or something, Harrington? Yeah, I lost my fucking wallet and then I got in a fight and my dad got mad about it and threw me out to ‘cool down’ and now I’m missing dinner and I don’t want to go back.” And that’s not <em>technically</em> a lie, because Billy doesn’t want to go back home where Neil is. What he wants to do, however, is get in his sweet car and fuck of back to California where it’s warm and not freezing like stupid Indiana. Maybe he’ll even grab Max and take her with him. </p>
<p>But now Harrington’s looking at him with an expression Billy can’t quite figure out and then he’s leaning over and opening the passenger door. Then he just sits there and stares at Billy expectantly. And Billy? Billy stares right back because <em>what the fuck is that supposed to mean I just called you a parrot?</em> </p>
<p>Harrington sighs and rolls his eyes. “Get in the car, Hargove. It’s fucking cold out.” </p>
<p>And Billy laughs, because yeah, yeah it is, and then he’s walking around the car and getting in. While Billy puts the seatbelt on Harrington reaches into the backseat and then he’s dumping the softest damn blanket Billy’s ever felt in his lap. Billy takes it and pulls it up to his chin and burrows into the seat. </p>
<p>Harrington looks like he wants to laugh so Billy sends him a death glare and he settles for a smile. </p>
<p>The drive to his house doesn’t take too long, but Billy still feels half-asleep when they’re pulling up the driveway outside the house.  </p>
<p>And Harrington’s house is big, and Billy can’t help but hope he has more of these soft, warm blankets lying around in there, because Billy’s still too cold and if Billy’d had one of those he would think it too nice a quality to keep in the car and he’d fucking treasure it. So the only real conclusion is that <em>all</em> of Harrington’s blankets are like that and he doesn’t have to treasure them. </p>
<p>His musings are cut short when Harrington opens his door and starts walking up to his front door. Billy’s quick to follow, still wrapped in the blanket. When they get inside Harrington starts pulling off his boots so Billy does the same, and when he looks up Harrington is looking at him with a searching look in his eyes. </p>
<p>”How are your cooking skills?” </p>
<p>“Pretty good?” </p>
<p>“Are you asking or telling?” He looks amused. </p>
<p>“It’s been a while, okay?!” When he was a little kid, he would always help his mom make pancakes, and dinner, and cookies for Christmas. And then when she was gone, his dad would sometimes be too drunk or hungover or tired or just not in the mood, so Billy had to make them dinner or they’d order takeout, <em>again</em>. Then Susan and Max came, and suddenly Billy wasn’t <em>allowed</em> to cook, unless Neil and Susan were gone for a trip, because now there was a woman in the household.</p>
<p>“Okay, well, there’s a shower in the bathroom down the hall to the left, right before the stairs. Don’t lock the door.”</p>
<p>“Why, if you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask,” Billy says but his heart isn’t in it. His teeth are starting to chatter and honestly, a warm shower sounds <em>amazing</em> right about now. But it makes Steve - when the fuck did he become<em> ‘Steve’</em>? - blush and it makes something warm uncurl in Billy’s stomach and <em>he doesn’t know what to do</em>. Then Steve’s scowling which yeah, makes more sense. </p>
<p>“I wasn’t exactly planning on taking you home looking like a drowned kitten and there’s no reason for you to shower only to <em>get back</em> in those wet clothes so I’m sorry if I haven’t fucking prepared everything already!” </p>
<p>And yeah, maybe there are parts of that statement that Billy should have paid attention to, but really, there’s only one part he can concentrate on. “... You do know it’s called a ‘drowned rat’ and not a ‘drowned kitten’, right?” </p>
<p>Steve just sighs. “Yeah, but you look nothing like a rat so it doesn’t really work.” </p>
<p>“But I look like a fucking <em>kitten</em>?! I mean, a lion, sure, but a <em>kitten</em>?!” </p>
<p>And Steve, because he’s a little shit, starts laughing. “Just go take the damn shower, Billy. I’ll prepare everything while you’re in there. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before. We play basketball together.” </p>
<p>And now it’s Billy’s turn to blush, which is just weird, because Steve is right, and, well, he’s <em>Steve</em>. He’s not Jonah, the last boy Billy got to kiss. That memory is still too painful though, so Billy tries not to think about it too much. </p>
<p>Harrington leaves him in the hallway to disappear through the open doorway a little further down the hall. Billy follows his instructions and ends up in a big bathroom. It’s modern and fancy just like everything else seems to be in this house. </p>
<p>Billy leaves the door unlocked even though it feels weird. At home, the bathroom is the only place where Billy can have a locked door between himself and his father. He hasn’t ever showered in someone else’s house. </p>
<p>It takes a while too peel of his soaked jeans but eventually they’re off and Billy doesn’t waste a second getting out of the rest and into the shower. </p>
<p>He tries to be quick in case Steve gets irritated he’s wasting his water or something, and when he’s done there are a pair of sweatpants and the softest shirt Billy’s ever felt waiting for him on the closed toilet seat. Everything Steve owns seems to be of ridiculously nice quality, because even the towel is big and fluffy. It upsets him a little that he didn’t hear Steve come in. He doesn’t like not knowing when he’s being watched, no matter how short a period. </p>
<p>The shirt must be a little baggy on Steve, because it fits Billy perfectly, but the sweatpants are a bit long, and he knew Steve was a little taller than him, but he didn’t know if it was his legs or back. It’s nice to know. Which doesn’t make any sense, but it also doesn’t make any sense for Steve to pick him up or for Billy to stop thinking of him as ‘Harrington’. </p>
<p>When he’s put on the clothes and has towel dried his hair as much as possible, he goes back to the hallway and through the doorway Steve went through earlier. He finds himself in the kitchen, and Steve has is at the counter cutting up a frozen chicken. He turns to look at Billy when he hears him enter. </p>
<p>“Great! You can start peeling the potatoes,” Steve says and motions toward the sink. </p>
<p>Billy doesn’t say anything, too dumbfounded by how <em>domestic</em> this all looks, and he thinks of that curly haired kid Max hangs out with, who he’s heard call Steve <em>mom</em> more than once. He’s starting to think he gets what he’s been on about. </p>
<p>There are potatoes and a peeler in the sink when Billy gets there, and he starts peeling the potatoes. Then he’s cutting them and putting them in water to boil while Steve gets the chicken on the stove. All the while humming to some song Billy hasn’t heard. It almost makes him smile. </p>
<p>“There’s cucumber, tomatoes and salad over there, if you want to get us some vegetables,” Steve says and Billy moves to grab them. He can feel himself start to relax and the smell that started to come from the chicken makes his stomach growl. He catches Steve’s eye when he turns to look at him and Steve smiles softly. </p>
<p>“It’s almost done.” </p>
<p>Billy nods and turns back to the vegetables. </p>
<p>When the food’s done Steve divides it onto two plates he grabbed from a cupboard. Neither says anything when he makes Billy pile bigger. Billy’s just thankful he’s finally getting something to eat. </p>
<p>Then he’s grabbing cutlery and following Steve out to his living room. Billy hasn’t ever eaten in the living room, but now Steve is putting his plate on his glass tabletop and getting down on his knees to look for some VHS tape to put in the TV. </p>
<p>“Is Star Wars okay?”</p>
<p>“Sure.” </p>
<p>Steve puts it in and Billy notices it’s already re-winded. He also notices Steve has a bunch of those soft blankets over the arm of the sofa and grabs one. Then Steve settles down beside Billy on the sofa and reaches for his plate. As the opening starts playing Billy takes his first bite. He’s barely been able to restrain himself while waiting for Steve. He almost moans when he tastes it. </p>
<p>“Jesus fuck, this is the best chicken I’ve ever eaten.” </p>
<p>Steve almost chokes on his own food. “Thank you,” he says with a small laugh. “I’m alone a lot, so I’ve gotten to practice.” </p>
<p>“I can tell, oh my god. You know... this is the most fun I’ve had cooking since my mother.” </p>
<p>Billy’s kind of afraid Steve’s gonna ask about her, but he doesn’t, he just smiles at him and then the movie’s <em>actually</em> starting so they both turn to the TV. </p>
<p>—</p>
<p>By the time the movie’s done Billy has started yawning. Steve looks at him and smiles, before grabbing their plates to put them in the kitchen. He comes back and looks amused at Billy, who’s curled up in the corner with one of his blankets around himself and his head resting on the rest. </p>
<p><br/>“You know, you’re clothes probably aren’t going to be dry enough until tomorrow, and there’s a bunch of guest rooms upstairs if you want to stay the night.” </p>
<p>Billy looks at him and tries to figure out why the hell he’s being so goddamn <em>kind</em>. It’s one thing to pick Billy up when he sees him outside in the snow without a proper coat, another to take him home and feed him, and now he’s inviting him to sleep over. </p>
<p>But Neil doesn’t want Billy home until tomorrow and Billy doesn’t have anywhere else to go, so he looks up at Steve and nods. </p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Steve smiles and him and turns on his heel and Billy follows him out of the living room and up the stairs. They stop at the first room. </p>
<p>“My room’s just down the hall in case you need something. Good night, Hargrove.” </p>
<p>He leaves him there, and Billy just goes into the room and closes the door behind himself.  </p>
<p>— </p>
<p>The next morning Billy goes down into the kitchen to find Steve preparing the biggest breakfast he’s ever seen. </p>
<p>“Christ, Harrington, when did you have time to fix all this?” </p>
<p>Steve looks sheepishly at him over his shoulder. “I... don’t sleep very well. So better to do something productive, really.” </p>
<p>It makes something twist in Billy’s stomach. He doesn’t like Steve having nightmares. Because that’s what that means, isn’t it? But Steve offered Billy a ride yesterday when Billy said he didn’t want to go home and then he didn’t ask about Billy’s mother so Billy doesn’t feel like he has any right to demand Steve explains himself or something. </p>
<p>“Well, good for me that this is what you choose to do.” </p>
<p>Steve chuckles and nods. “Yeah, sure.” </p>
<p>They don’t talk much during breakfast, it’s mostly Billy praising the food again and Steve asking him about Star Wars. </p>
<p>They put the food away together, then Steve goes to get Billy’s clothes and Billy sneaks off upstairs to steal some of Steve’s toothpaste to flush out his mouth with it and water. </p>
<p>Once Billy’s in his own clothes and Steve has changed back, they’re out and getting in the car. </p>
<p>“Just drop me off by the start of the street and I’ll walk the rest way to my car. I need to get Max and drive her to school.” </p>
<p>“Mhm.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t this a bit early, though? School doesn’t start until, like, an hour.” </p>
<p>“I need to get the Party.” </p>
<p>Billy laughs. “‘<em>The Party</em>’? Really? That’s what you call them? No, never mind, of course you do, <em>Mama Steve</em>.” </p>
<p>“Oh shut up,” Steve says, but he’s laughing as he says it and Billy’s stomach warms at knowing he’s the one who made him do it. “They’re my kids!”</p>
<p>“Of course they are.” And now Billy’s laughing as well, but then Steve’s pulling up at the end of old Cherry Lane and their laughter dies down to be replaced by something more serious. Billy turns to look out the passenger window. He doesn’t want to leave yet. </p>
<p>“You know... if you ever lose your wallet again, my door’s always open. Or, well, my fridge is,” Steve says with a tentative smile. </p>
<p>Billy’s feels a small smile appear on his own lips, but he can hear in the way Steve says ‘lose your wallet’ that he doesn’t really believe that’s what happened. Still, he’s not outright accusing Billy of lying to him, so Billy plays along with the lie, even though they both seem to know that’s what it is. To tell the truth would be too dangerous. Lying has always been the safer alternative for Billy. Then he’s thinking back to sitting on Steve’s sofa and eating yesterday and what he’d told him then.</p>
<p>
  <em> ‘I’m alone a lot.’</em>
</p>
<p>And maybe Billy isn’t the only one who’s not telling the whole truth. Maybe Steve’s lonely. And really, fuck it, because so is Billy. </p>
<p>He huffs a laugh. “Sure, pretty boy. We’ll see. I might appear to raid your fridge again. After all, you need <em>someone</em> to show off those cooking skills to.” And then he’s getting out of the car and walking back to his house. He can hear Steve start his Beemer behind him and listens until the sound is long gone. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! </p>
<p>Leave a comment or a kudos if you feel like it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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